He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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