I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
