If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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