Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
