come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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