ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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