Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
