What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
