highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
