Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
17 year olds will be the death of me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
