Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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