she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
