its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
