Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
