she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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