I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
