that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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