the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
