phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
