how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
