Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
