Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
