My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
