Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize