things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
