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Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
