his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
