I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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