Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
