Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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