the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
