I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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