so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
