good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
