Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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