shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
