I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Someone shattered a urinal.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
