dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
