He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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