I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
