im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
