He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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