I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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