I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
