we're chasing vodka with high fives
I wish I only lived at night.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
