so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Send help, water and tortillas.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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