i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
