why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
