This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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