I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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